Facing the pandemic of loneliness: what can we do?

By Dr Kate Middleton, Director of the Mind and Soul Foundation

Love Your Neighbour Hubs offer community-based support to address the isolation that many are facing in their communities.

But loneliness is still on the rise. Dr Kate Middleton, Director of the Mind and Soul Foundation, shares three ways we can support those struggling. Loneliness matters. The pandemic pushed social isolation into the spotlight, but even before then, increasing numbers of people were struggling with feeling alone. As social media and the internet offer more chances for online conversation, our culture is moving away from physical community and shared life, leaving many people at risk from falling through the cracks. Nearly half of adults say they are sometimes or often lonely. But those rates are even higher for older adults, many of whom live alone, for teens and young people, and those experiencing long term illness or disability.  

Feeling lonely isn’t a sign of weakness, flaw or failing. The need for other people is part of the way our minds and brains were designed. The ancient Biblical creation story tells of God looking out on the world and spotting one thing that is ‘not good’ - and it is about the human He made being alone.  

Research confirms that living disconnected from other people really isn’t good for you. Everyone needs to know they belong somewhere, with other people who really understand and care about them. Loneliness is associated with depression and anxiety, which often create a vicious cycle, making it harder to get out and pushing people deeper into isolation. But the impact is more than emotional - studies increasingly show that loneliness is as bad for our physical health as smoking is and is significantly linked with an increased risk of a host of serious health outcomes. To truly tackle it we need to listen to those who are struggling and create safe spaces and places where they can flourish, connect and start to step out of isolation.

So here are the top three challenges people share when they talk about why they struggle to overcome loneliness, together with some top tips for how we can help others to overcome them: 

“I can’t get out easily.”

This is probably the most easily recognised challenge, but also one of the most difficult to overcome. Circumstances, health or mobility issues mean some people struggle to leave the house, or access social spaces/gatherings. Remember, not all issues are visible or obvious, so be aware of people who might be at risk. Think about how you can create a range of events, activities and spaces. Vary things like location, style of event and duration - shorter drop-ins are often easier for people to manage. Think about how people get to/from an event, and how you can remove obstacles. Something like easy access to parking may seem small to you but to someone struggling with anxiety or pain it could be the difference between them coming or not. Remember to think about the experience of your space -things like noise, busyness or vibrant lighting can make an event difficult or even impossible for some people. And of course, online connection is a lifeline for some people so do blend your approach, but always aim to enable people to come in person wherever possible.

“No one will talk to me.”

Walking into a busy room on your own is never easy, but for many people it feels impossible. Ease that first visit with ways to connect beforehand - online, through social media, or the opportunity to ‘meet’ someone from the team. When they do come, help them know in advance what to expect - can you provide online info, walk throughs or videos? When planning your event or space, think about creating easily visible ‘islands’ in the social whirl - places people can head for, anchor in, and meet smaller groups ready and expecting to chat and provide a warm welcome. Help people start conversations - not everyone finds small talk easy - but remember, not everyone will want to chat at first, so don’t force it. Remember people should be able to be anonymous if they want to - but the minute they don’t want to, there need to be obvious, and easy ways to make contact.

“I don’t fit in.”

Perhaps the most painful kind of loneliness is feeling the odd one out in a crowd, surrounded by people, but still feeling insignificant and alone. Feeling unable to be yourself, or under pressure to play a ‘role’ or ‘fit in’ into a group can be worse than being alone. So be sensitive to this. Think about how you model difference and the wonderful variation of people in your leadership, teams and comms. Ask yourself, what would this space feel like to someone different from me? What if they were having a tough day? Do people really feel they can be themselves, whether loud, quiet, introvert, extravert, confident or more cautious? Be careful with powerful language like ‘welcome home’ or ‘family’ language - you don’t want someone who is new or feels on the outside to experience that as rejection or failure. And remember that to be genuinely safe, belonging needs to be genuinely open to all, not pushing people to do, think or say the ‘right’ things. So, take care about how you encourage people to join in or show commitment.

To read more about loneliness, emotional/mental well-being and how to create spaces where people flourish, check out the Mind and Soul Foundation and follow us @mindandsouluk  

And for more on belonging, check out The Power of Belonging by Will Vanderhart and Rob Waller  

Love Your Neighbour Hubs facilitate community-based support through wrap-around care, such as mental health groups, drop-in cafes, and supportive relationships. Read more about us.